Season's Greetings

Photo taken: June 8, 2008

Location: Quirino Highway

Tools of the trade: Canon EOS 400D + CS3

Oh Sanity

Tonight I sorrow.

Over nothings and this silence that's gnawing through me.

Pardon me for my insensible rantings are irrelevant to this world.

Spare me a minute or two as I allow myself to be vulnerable.

Heaven grant me strength.

For I am fighting the urge to resort to self destruction.

For the want of

I've missed and been missing a lot of things lately.

School has been torturous that I've resorted to reconsider my future in this crap hole that I put myself into. Not that I am giving up but it's more of being rejected by your childhood dream. I knew beforehand that Medicine is cut throat to begin with, but the reality of flunkages and no more than that is sucking the hopes out of me.

I am missing college days. Andz, Allyl, Cookie and I being in our procastinator selves while Madz being the one who chants: "Guys, focus" when we tend to drift away from what needs to be accomplished. I miss Les Femmes and the togetherness of it. The fact that you wouldn't care if your underpants could be seen in the open and be unlady-like is just one of the reasons. I miss all my lesbian lovers, groupmates and fellow dormers. I miss the mess in 210, along with all the daily kulitans with my roomates.--Kaye, Pao and Bobot acting all childish in their baby voices. I miss the gossips that spread like wild fire, along with Tina's late night visits that eat up hours but would seem like it were just minutes. I miss Friday night dinners with the Yappies, even the bay's humid air that used to be annoying. I miss Malate, the blue light posts, and the reality that it would take hours for you to successfully pull a cab and hear the cab driver actually say yes to your destination. I miss Pedro Gil and its tiangge that would do as your neighborhood divisoria. I miss Rob Manila and its proximity, and the fact that we all know it as if it were the back of our hands.

I am Missing.

Tagaytay Outtakes

September 2, 2009

What better way to end the Midterms than to savor the southern breeze with good company.

Scraps of Creativity

The lack of inspiration led to the lack of artsy-ness in moi,
Just some of the tolerable shots I recently took:

Midyear Invitation

Doodles in Biochem

Dear Hope,

Please win me over the soonest you can.

more than grateful

In all honesty, I am near the brink of breaking down after a month or so's stay at med school. But for now, all that crapola is temporarily thrown out of the window since I got a very, very, very, very delightful consolation yesterafternoon.

Ate Mhel, an upperclassman of mine back in high school, is currently in Tokyo right now. We got to exchange thoughts and the like thru a microblogging site called plurk. Last May, he read my post re: rant for want of Evangelion movie and merchandise. He offered me that he could snoop around the streets of Tokyo in attempts to bag one for moi.

Barely 2 months later, he asked for my address and my heart was leaping inside of me out of sheer ecstacy. Yesterday, I got home with a broken spirit coz of this forsaken prelims. But my tita said a package arrived. My head immediately went "Ding! Ding! Ding!" 2 seconds later, my hands were diving in the box and grab ahold of these babies. Add a complete ecstatic-borderline-maniac smile and you get yourself "the look of a 5 year old on Christmas" on a 21 year old. I promised I'd send him photos once I received them but sleep deprivation took its toll on me. I was so excited to get home today for the picos. Now I just finished a photoshoot with my very lovely collectibles.--as promised to Ate Mhel.

NERV logos which are stands for Shinji and Kaworu

Shinji Ikari


Kaworu Nagisa

Asuka Langley Soryu

(My favorite pilot)

Rei Ayanami
(Hate her but she's Andi's fave)

Pilots

Others may see this as me being childish and all but heck, this is Evangelion. And it is the mecca of animes. Even Jerry Bruckheimer and Stephen Spielberg are presenting themselves to produce the movie version of this masterpiece. I just hope that the 2.0 movie would be available at Quiapo or some sidewalk dvd vendor.

Before I end this post, I just want to extend my deepest gratitude to the person who's behind all this. For if not for his moving thoughtfulness and generosity, I would've resorted to tears.

So....

best breakfast ever

During our first and second years in college, we often indulged in a restaurant slash grill slash smoking room slash drinking place called The Pit beside St. Paul. But the real story behind all those patronage was because of their Oreo Cheesecake. For P55.00, you get to indulge in happiness. And it didn't take long for it to become infamous among Paulinians. However, sometime before junior year, The Pit shut down. We couldn't ponder on the reason why since it being a notorious favorite among the students is enough reason for them to stay there (posssibly forever). A year later, I saw The Pit established at the seaside at Mall of Asia. However, I didn't have the willpower to go in and treat myself to the infamous cheesecake.

Almost 3 years after my last taste of it, my post-grad friend Ezra told me that her friend dropped off one Oreo Cheesecake at her place. In an instantaneous manner, my mouth watered. I could almost imagine the taste of it. But heck, it's one of those bittersweet memories.

2 days later, she happily showed up in our classroom with a tupperware and teaspoon in hand. My heart fluttered. OMG. A few minutes later, I was taking all the details in my head, soaking up the texture and the familiarity of its taste. She offered me some chips but I wanted the cheesecake to linger in my tastebuds. And that was it. I was pretty much happy the entire day.

So thank you Ezra! You certainly made my day.

Nothing not worth it is not worth waiting for.

I remember thinking that girls on shows like ANTM (America's Next Top Model) are so lame when they say "I want this so bad blah blah blah" on cam and yet somewhere along the show, they were sent home. Apply empathy and I am those girls. I've been wanting to donn on that white coat since I was a kid. So even though that the first 3 weeks has already deprived me of sleep, eat, and socialization, I am willing to suck it all up in order to realize that dream.

Everyday, I beseech God that He help me with this. And just like my prayers during undergrad, I pray again:

"Lord, if this is not in Your plans for me, then let me not have it
and reveal the path that You would want me to take."

today

is the day when the rest of my life begins.

There had been several activities that the Med Student Council arranged for us freshies. Some were icebreakers, and some were pretty reflective. And suddenly I found myself among the sea of 400+ strangers and non-strangers, who all have one thing in common: the dream to hopefully become a MD someday.

Though part of me says that many of those in the same population are probably still at lost, perhaps pondering on the very reason why they plunged themselves into this living hell. Or like me, are taking this rare opportunity to give their career lives a chance to take the next step in hopes to fulfill some unexplainable internal desire.

I am unsure of what lies before me for the next 5 years. God help me that I make it through. I know I'm a no brainer-arrogant to get myself into some serious post grad course. But by His Grace, I am fueled to go on.

PS
I wish to look back on this post perhaps half a decade from now.

shameless plugs

Andy's:
plurk + deviantART + blogger

Madz's:
blogger

Marj's:
deviantART + blogger

monsooned june

If rain was a bit more tangible then I would run out of the house clad in nothing but wrinkled PJs, spread my arms apart, gaze through the heavens and say aloud: "Welcome home!" But since that would only make others think a fool of me and increase my chances of getting sick, I've resorted to habitual gestures of brief early morning peeks through the window so as to witness the sight of grey skies, toppled with gentle musings of rain drops. Afterwards, I fall back to sleep with a little wry smile.

Simply put: rain is happiness.

It's enough reason to ditch the ac, don on a sweater, make a warm cup of coffee or choco, and just be.

This is existence. Simple, raw and naked existence.

the things a scandal can do

such as:

turning the morning shift staff, even a handful of patients, into instant spectators upon hitting play on some mainstream scandal issue.

proof you ask?

evangelion movie 2.0

I dunno if they're gonna show this on Philippine Cinemas this June but I hope they would. If they won't, then I hope some kindred soul would post a vid of it on the world wide web.

i badly WANT

Eventhough I hate Japanese Cafe Chain UCC coffee for:
1. Being so bloody expensive,
2. Quite frankly, I don't like how their coffee tastes.

However, UCC Coffee is re-releasing their Limited Edition Neon Genesis Evangelion Milk and Coffee in cans in line with the release of Evangelion Movie 2.0 [due June 27 this year]. I am already ranting inside of me for I want BOTH the coffee cans AND the movie. Take a look at these eye-candies. Sadly though, these will only be available from May 18-July 31, 2009.


I am unsure whether these would be available to the Philippine Market since they are often sold at vending machines in Japan. They also sell these babies at e-bay for roughly $10 a can. Talk about profit! But gawd, I really want one.--scratch that, make that ALL of them.

Since Japan is such an advanced country in terms of Techno-Gizmo, the cans come with a bar code that can be scanned with your mobile phone. [Eff! I really want to go there someday.] If you're lucky, you get to win an Asuka figure doll.




This was one of the Ad Campaigns that UCC did back in 2007. >>>





I hate how my compulsions leave me restless and agitated.
And if by some miracle I do end up owning one, they'll be surely on top of my desk, happily standing beside the rare Starbucks Vanilla Frappuccino Bottle that Jona gave me back in college.


Badly wanting the Shinji and Asuka cans.

shocker

I hate how time is often a traitor.

A few months ago, Vicapot texted me that she would want to meet up before she leaves the country. Without any hesitation, I gave her my yes.

Earlier tonight, I learned that she is bound to leave for L.A. tomorrow at 10 PM. Whoa. Afterwards, she would be staying in Seattle. Someone needs to invent a time machine. Srsly.

Vicapot asked me to do her a favor which I cannot resist. Though I truly lack some serious creativity, I couldn't turn her down since this is the least I can do for her before her presence leaves this forsaken land.

Armed with CS3 and bits of inspiration, I ended up with this. It's not much, but I guarantee you that it's made with fervent dedication.


To Vicapot, I shall miss you dearly.

i wish there'd be more of this

There was a time when I said that I rather have a few good friends than have a bazillion friends. And now, I say that again with more conviction for I indeed have a few GREAT friends.

Tonight's dinner wouldn't be possible if not for the willful and determined mind of Moja who stuck with her text vigils to Madz in order to get her out of her hiding place. Lo and behold for Madz did show up; thus I bow unto Moja for her effective tactics which I might replicate come next get together. Too bad Eskimo Baby didn't get to attend. But am hopeful that there will be a next time when everyone would be there.

Anyhow, Moja and Mon went ahead to save us a table at Congo Grille and pre-ordered our meals for us. Madz arrived around 5 minutes before I did [curse the stoooopid traffic]. When I got there, it was like all inhibitions lost. For when I am with people I love and trust, I can just let myself go and worry not of what goes around or how I should act accordingly. We multitasked by chitchatting and spooning stuffs into our mouths at the same time. Madz kept piling sisig on my plate which I had to moticulously separate the onions. I didn't get to finish my rice coz the chicken fingers was filling up on me. Afterwards, Mon was designated as the photographer, allowing ourselves to indulge in camwhoring.
We were saving the dessert part for later while we went around Landmark so I could show Moja em booties. She loffed them. Unfortunately, no more sizes. WTF. In grief, we headed to the cinemas to see Angels and Demons. But gawd, Sold Out Tickets for 3 Cinemas! Tsk. Tsk. Am giving a mental applause to Dan Brown already. Anyway, the cookie store near Anson's was already closed when we got there. Another tsk tsk. We were suppose to stick around further but every store was closing down and Madz had to fetch her folks who were arriving from Lucena. I did a last few shots with Moja before I bid the Monalisa couple goodbye.

Till the next blogspam!

Special thanks to: Monalisa [ = Mon + Melissa]
Especially Moja for smuggling this for moi: I <3.

shameless plug

I promised Andi I'll be promoting her da. I posted it up in moi multiply however, I just realized that I haven't plugged it in here yet.

Here is a sample of Andi's work:

(Click on photo to be directed to her da)

She recently experimented with watercolors and has concocted her own methods of shading. Her current dream is to own a tablet pc so she can venture into digital art. So if you're filthy wealthy and have a knack of helping others, then please do give her a tablet pc.

overjoyed

Shameless confession but come on, I am entitled to wallow in tangible happiness right now.
I still get bits of flutter with the realization that my booties are stashed underneath my bed. But the thing is, I have not a single frame of it on me.-or me in it. For hormonal reasons, my bipolar state sometimes hit the creativity nerve in me; which makes me dive through my closet (which i painstakingly arranged and rearranged over the last weeks) and put together some pieces that I thought would go well with the current object that would equal as a teddy bear to some kid.

I grabbed Greg, setup the tripod, and struggled with autofocus and the lack of burst shots on a self timer setting. And add the absence of a plain white wall as a background as another difficulty. Several hours later, I've fed my id and drained myself of the remaining energy there is. And this is the one of the many outcomes:


Note to self:
Work on your photography and PPE.-what for is dps if you're not gonna apply it?

today i had

saikoro and rice @ pepper steak trinoma. though in my opinion, the beef needs more marinating. the rice reminds me of bagel days in college.


for dessert, new york cheesecake which somehow tastes like sour cheese. made me miss oreo cheesecake from the pit which used to be along pedro gil. now they're at the seaside at moa.

for it's worth the wait

after months and months(5 months to be exact) of waiting, supressing and self control, me and andy finally bought ourselves our much wanted booties. we were window shopping at trinoma after our uerm interview when our impulses kicked in and prevailed over material procastination. they were several balloons all over landmark with words: 'mother's day sale - until may 17.' we knew exactly where to go. upon first glance, we thought the 729 tag on the boot indicated its new price. which is a huge bargain considering it's original price is 1,700. but it turns out, it was the stock number. but id prevailed over super ego which is why we ended up purchasing it despite our penniless state. i had mine in black velvet. andz originally wanted the brown leather which resembles a maison martin margiela. but since they had no size, she ended up buying the brown velvet which is surprisingly comfortable. they're lovely and they make me happy. and andz is happy too.

i didn't get to take a self portrait since i didn't have greg with me. here's a photo of andz though. crappy phone cam.

and oh, magic cards are magical!

blob. blob. blob.

am running out of names to baptize the new fishies.
the lobsters turned into cannibals. they killed, disemboweled and ate 3 little fishies today. their actions made us separate them from the aquatic club and they are now demoted to a yellow laundry basin. we are yet to decide where to contain them as their life sentence. should they live up to be big lobsters then they would suit as dinner for the seafood loving people.

project scarf accomplished

after nearly 2 weeks of cts-inducing crochets, i am finally done with andz's scarf. it's bright yellow green and yellow which reminds me of both the flag of brazil and oddly enough, bananas.

this occassion offers me a temporary feeling of accomplishment.

(pardon for the photo quality. phonecam shot.)

pissed and paralyzed

a few hours ago, i posted that i shall reformat mi old laptop. i did. and i failed.
i was way into about a third of the entire process but the darn thing won't read the 2nd disc. and after hours of watching myself becoming more frustrated with every failed attempt, i gave in to the surrending team.

i hope god would instantly fix it.
for now, i shall resort to mobile blogging.

wifi'd

Today, God put an end to my sinful days of feeding over the neighbor's not so generous wifi signal.
He sent us a box of a wifi router. hahahaha.
But the path to wirelessness was not so easy. In fact, it was hellish.
What ought to be a simple and fool proof task sent me over the edge of my patience since the "Quick Setup" took me hours to deal with. Not to mention bugging some agents at the PLDT customer care line only to hear from them that they can't find anything wrong with our account or the way I set up the gizmos here.
Turns out, the phone line tita handed me is bogus. Good thing I tried using the line from my room and viola!-hello world wide web. So yeah, I can indulge in generous, generous signals from now on and I can save on my penniless state by prefering to email over my phone instead of texting. [Yes, I am THAT broke.]

But before I could finally jump around with the yehey look on my face, I have to, yet again, REFORMAT mi old and rugged Toshiba laptop. He's been suffering from chronic AIDS and Cancer. Not only that, he's really physically retiring. I decided to stick with the swinging screen since I'm sure that getting it fixed would really cost some moolah.--which I have none of. The CD drive still needs some tricks for it to work which means I can get to reformat it. The reformatting discs have resurfaced [thank God!] and a few minutes after I publish this post, I shall go through hours, if not DAYS, of constantly waiting on updates and sluggish installations to take place.

Lord, grant me more patience.

possibly my last summer

summer. and despite its notorious sunny skies and scorching temperatures, this season is partly sparing us from the catastrophic effects of global warming by sending us frequent drizzles and almost daily doses of grey skies. and i'm loving it.

it's the 1st day of May and all I want to do is indulge in slumbers in the summer that is most likely to be my last. come june, I shall send myself to educational hell aka med school. god knows how old and old I am once I earn the MD title and actually start earning some moolah.

on some random angst babbles...

dear horoscopes and animal years,
I didn't ask for another pathetic tragedy to preoccupy my already disheveled thoughts. I was kind of saving the crisis management abilities for heaven knows what hell med school will cause me. so please, spare me from more crap.

careful of what you're sitting on

Well, stories don't get much worse than this. A 14-year-old boy in China was killed when his chair exploded, sending chunks of metal into his rectum. The bleeding this caused killed him. The alleged explosion came from the gas cylinder that was in the base of the chair, the part that allowed the user to adjust the seat up and down.

source:
Gizmodo

120 steps to Heaven

I actually forgot the exact number of steps before getting to the top.

Random thought:
Wouldn't it be pleasant if the path to heaven is as direct and simple as this?

which is why we have instincts

The reason that I've been wearing glasses since time being is that I am blind.--literally and figuratively.
Well, this particular incident was truly more of an intuition than mere red flags and red lights saying hello before me.

It was my nephew's 4th birthday and we took all of the staff and their families on an outing at La Mesa Eco Park which is a convenient 10 minute drive from our place. Em being the only grand child, the grandparents opted for nothing but the best. We made reservations with the park including their newest attractions: Zorb Ball, Zipline, Rappelling, Wall Climbing, and Paint Ball. Other delicacies on the side dish are: Boating, Fishing, Biking, Swimming, Horseback Riding, etc. So after the much awaited Lechon arrived, everyone went in for the kill and started piling up calories which are to be burned on the latter part of the day.

I wish I spared 3 minutes or less in doing some stretching but the laziness in me dominated my entire being. The first red flag started wavering itself before my imaginative mind when Dad, Me and the birthday kid went on boating. I was determined to tone [at least] my arm pets which have been saggier and bouncier than ever. I volunteered on taking charge of the rowing but several minutes after proving myself incapable of properly maneuvering the vessel, Dad had to take the other paddle and share the burden of rowing with me.

Second stop was the Wall Climbing. Looks chicken but it's NOT. IT'S NOT. IT'S SOOO NOOOOT. Okay, maybe it is but it's NOT in the case of a pig like me. There were several Chinese kids who went in before me and theycertainly made it look effortless in their tiny little frames and fresh, pale faces. When my turn finally came up, I asked the assistant to lend me some tips considering it's my first time. Kuya was kind enough to spare a minute or less to brief me. Then he said it: "Climb on."

The first few steps, or should I say climb, was easy. But I realized that I have no endurance after leaving college. But still, I went up with mental debates on which rock I should land my foot unto and which rock I should hang myself from. I was about 3/4s on the way when exhaustion caught up with me and I had to pause for a breather. There was actually a time where I really was gonna slip. But I convinced myself that I'll be in for a lot of frustration if I let myself fall when I was that close to the top. So yeah, I managed to finish the climb. But when my feet got back on the ground, reality kicked in.--painfully. I ached in muscles and places that I never even knew existed. I knew there's the occasional deltoids, triceps and biceps but I forgot about the sternocleidomastoids and trapezius and pectoris. Bottomline, I was in a lot of muscle pain. Not the cramping or spasming kind of pain but more of the ouch-i-should've-stretched-first-before-climbing-on-that-wall pain.

Afterwards, I managed to effortlessly glide through the Zipline but I listened to my body and made a pass with the Rappelling before I bury myself further into more pain that may render me bed-ridden.

It's been two days since that muscle-straining chapter of my life and I am still sore.

So before you plunge into a whole new activity, make sure to slow down, take a breather, and stretch those slumbering nerves and muscles.

another afforable bookshop

As I was saying, mom dragged us to Tomas Morato for lunch but my eye for cheapos were on full alert. Especially after this scenario flashed invitations before my broke state of mind. >>>



Bound bookshop houses lots of good books for a very reasonable price tag. They have a wide selection of genres and categories and even patronize local literature. They also have audio cds for poetry and the like.


Even Dad gave in to the craze and purchased all of the back and vintage issues of Reader's Digest [3 for P50]. I also found a graphic war and military mag for him which only costs P5. I got myself 3 new books under 500 bucks. Em got himself a new Toy Book.

Outside the shop, they have pre-owned Fiction books which only costs P20 or P25 each.


So if you're around Timog or Tomas Morato and you're thrifting on your reading addiction, spare some time to visit bound bookshop.